I feel like talking to one. I feel like deleting most of my accounts in social networks except tumblr... maybe someday it will happen. i mean... i'm too tired to explain things, everything is just one big ugh but the good news are that they sell supermodel in bulgaria and i am going to ask for permission to buy it because i have money
I was very worried about the retake test in a subject of mine. But I passed. Then it turned out we had a Physics test but the teacher compromised. But then we had Informatics test and I almost didn't know anything, I suck so much at C++ and the next period we had to create a program and everyone seemed to know what's up and I felt stupid, especially when Steven wanted to see what I've done and I felt so insecure... And when I reached home I started crying a bit too much and my mom saw and she insisted on knowing what's going on, she thought I was bullied whatsoever but it's just my stupid low self-esteem. But yeah... I don't know, I don't know, I don't know anymore. I feel like I'm the most annoying thing on Earth.
It's late and I have a Biology test I haven't studied for. My brother might wake up any moment now and I'd be busted. But here I am, having a conversation on Skype, listening to Fire Escape by Foster The People, writing this.
I just want to say I don't know what I am feeling. It's stupid, on the other hand it's possible. I have never really liked someone romantically, never. These past 3-4 days Steven and I have been chatting on Skype. Today for the first time since we met I said hi to him and it wasn't even with words but with a gesture. Texted him a bit because I'm always so concerned about his grades and him doing well at school, not letting him have any F's but yet another mission unsuccessful. I think I'm annoying him... Maybe just a bit. He mentioned twice on Skype "We don't talk so much at school... Weird." and I tried to be open and honest and told him it's just easier, no eye contact or those kind of things, mentioned Destiel and changed the topic.
Anyway, I miss how he talks about the universe, about life. Sometimes I find myself blushing while talking to him or just talking about him, just like right now. My hands sweaty, I feel my cheeks being all warm and red right now, a bit uneasy. Or when I see him, sometimes I get this feeling. But most of the time when I think if he ever leaves me, leaves the thing that connects us, I won't miss him much... Or maybe I will, I have. But sometimes I think to myself "I know we can't be together, I just can't see it that way" and then at the same time I feel like hugging him or bothering him while we are at school, the chance to talk face to face which rarely happens. And sometimes I think "Well, looks should never matter, I love his personality or maybe I've just fallen for his words" and you should never fall for words because words lie. So I have these mixed feelings for him. And at the same time another guy fancies me, I believe. But what can I do? Oh god, I know nothing will happen, I don't even know what I'm feeling and my best plan is to just go with the flow, do nothing... for now.
I just needed to get this out of my chest, I can't really explain it to my friends.
Yeah, I like reading people's journals haha. It has been a week since Valentine's Day but yeah it was pretty ordinary for me. Didn't receive chocolates or any of that stuff but I celebrated my 18th birthday like 3 days before Valentine's and received awesome gifts so I didn't really care. Haha, what are you up to?
Haha, Def Leppard is the bomb diggity. I might actually go
check on my penguin right now. Haven't fed my puffles for
years. Good thing puffles don't die (or do they?). Hehe,
how was your Valentine's? I read what you wrote below this
post and I enjoyed reading all of it.
So ugh, it's 2:15 a.m. and I have an English competition today. I shouldn't be up so late, I'm pretty sleepy too but I felt like writing something. Soo... Yesterday was Valentine's but that isn't much of a matter. I'm glad it went well. My former school, ah, there was this boy who liked me so very much and a lot of people were joking. People are still joking with me about these stuff, I find if pretty annoying and I can't help but blush whenever it happens. I mean, I may not like the boy but it's still a but uncomfortable and I always come up with lame come backs. For example, once in Geography class Steven and I were talking something about computers or whatever. So another classmate, a boy, came up to us saying "Flirting again, aren't we?" so I was just like "Yeah, with the topic of computers." Steven kinda laughed and I felt dumb but yeah. I can feel myself react more fast and casually. Like "yeah dude, whatever you say, I'm going to be sarcastic." I really do try to kind of... have that atmosphere around me when someone says complete nonsense and isn't informed with the situation at all. Yeah, so.
Nothing much going on in my life. I see some old classmates these days and an ex-friend started chatting with me on Facebook? Like heck no, stay away, I didn't end this "friendship" without a reason. But yeah, I hope she won't want to meet. Which reminds me that a reeeaaallllyyyy old classmate, I bumped into her when I was a bit late for school. Turned out she was studying pretty near me. But she has changed so much! She used to be a bit chubby, you know, and now I feel like she's even thinner than me. She hugged me so many times like ???? yeah sure, I like hugging but ... we're not so close, sorry. But of course,I just went with the flow. She was like "Do you have Facebook?" and I was like "Yeah, sure, of course." "I will add you so we can arrange to meet sometime, okay?" and I was thought "Okay, we hadn't seen each other in probably years, I don't really like having such relationships so have fun trying to find my Facebook!" and she still hasn't and I'm glad. Not that I even log in that site. I do late at night just to see two close friends if they've written something.
So yeah, nothing much interesting... Well, I watched My Bloody Valentine 3D yesterday on Valentine's but because of Jensen and I don't know what to think of it. There were a lot of murders, a sex scene, whatsoever. And it kind of made me feel weird like "Yes, this is Jensen, the main character, ah how much he reminds me of really young Dean" and then bam, ghost possession, he was possessed by a serial killer and it all felt strange so yeah... I hope I'll be fine, haha, it's funny how films can have such an influence on somebody. I'm pretty naive then, I guess, I'm changed easily by minor things, I guess. But only temporary of course.
Anyway, I can't explain my love for Foster The People! Like heck yes, songs being leaked, 18th March is getting closer and closer AND NEW ALBUM, NEW LP, YES YES YES YES! I hadn't really experienced the release of Torches, I became a fan a bit later so yeah.
I just really hope I do good today on the test. I mean, I tried to be realistic and chose level B2 because that's the last level I've taken or I feel like I don't know English right now. But most of my classmates were like "C1, C1!" but I was like "nah, it's academic stuff I'm learning right now so better sign up for B2 instead." and they were like "why didn't you choose C1?" and I am just like "Let's be realistic, I'm not that good at this thing" although I have never had below A in English at school for some years now... But at the English lessons... I got, what was it, 68% I think, on some part of the last exam we took, it's a bit more like for practice but it forms my final mark so yeah. Um, I hope this competition has no speaking and I believe it won't. It's going to take only 2 hours and the real exam is like 4 hours and the speaking is always on a different day.
oh god, I'm so tired, I don't think I'll even be able to drink this hot chocolate. Sigh, better go rest. I hope I won't fall asleep during the test.
Haha! I used to love Club Penguin too. Man, I was just a kid then. Like I got jealous of the members because they can buy clothes and stuff and because I'm poor I have to live off of free items. Oh my god, I also got banned a lot of times and I felt like such a badass. Ooh, and I also had this Neopets obsession. I remember telling all my friends about it and talking about it like all the time. God I didn't realize how annoying I was. But yeah oh well!
I want to write more but I can't seem to get motivated whenever I try to write. Grr.
Hey, I used to go running. I lost a few pounds from it too! And I like getting the
thing they call "runner's high". Ah, I should start running again but school con-
sumes most of my time so yeah. I want to experience winter! The Philippines is
a tropical country so we don't have winter. Only wet and dry seasons. Bleh.
I'm majoring in Psychology. I wanted to take Journalism when I was a kid
but as I grew older I kind of became uncertain on what I really want.
Ah, but I've learned to love Psychology because it's a very fun subject.
I still want to become a writer though but since I don't write as much
as I used to, it's becoming less and less possible. Meh, I'm still gonna
hope! Hehe, sorry for talking too much. I just feel like I could tell you these
things without you minding at all. But if you do, just tell me. Haha, I can get
slightly annoying sometimes. Ooh well!
Haha, that's alright and yeah people don't go on here as much as they did like 4 years ago. I left gg long ago I just came back to see if there's still anyone I knew from before that hasn't left this site.
Haha, and it says that your name is Teddy. I used to know a Teddy here like ages ago I don't know if you're the same one. My name is Keziah by the way, if you know someone with my name from years ago, that's probably me.